you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She needs sedatives and a leash
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
