Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
