we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
