What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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