in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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