I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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