why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
