He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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