i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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