every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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