smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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