I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
