If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
