dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
