No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
