Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
