I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
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My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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