every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
