Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
