just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
