Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
