I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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