I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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