I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
