Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
