Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
