No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
