oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
