he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
