Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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