i need an iv and a liver transplant
I can text with my tongue
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
