i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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