his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I understand Curling. That high.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
