somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
