My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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