Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
