doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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