I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
