So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
