You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
