hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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