I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
