They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
