Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
