Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
