IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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