I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
