my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
