then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
