on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
