then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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