Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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