Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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