is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Terrible idea I love it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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