i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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