it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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