HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
