Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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