wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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