WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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