Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
