i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
