its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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