Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
