everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
is it fun? or sober?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
