question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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