i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
