he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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