She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
