Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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